So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
