Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
