currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
