whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
