Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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