Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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