I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
