I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
