Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize