What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
