look no pants
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
