Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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