Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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