I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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