Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
