just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
worst night to have a conscience
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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