Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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