I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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