obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
