life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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