Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
