when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
