At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
