Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
