so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
