I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
