The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
