moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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