I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
