So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
