How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
