I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
