I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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