Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
