Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
