If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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