She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
