I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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