Do vagina's smell?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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