Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
