Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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