But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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