He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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