so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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