recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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