hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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