I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
