His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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