somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize