Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize