The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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