I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
