sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
