I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
