Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
