had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
