i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
