So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
