apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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