PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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