A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
