things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
