I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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