how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
