Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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