3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
