i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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