Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
